so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
