help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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