Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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