bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
