I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You are the jesus of drinking
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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