Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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