DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
