She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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