He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
