afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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