She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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