do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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