My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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