Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
