I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
