Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
