Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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