just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
