An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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