I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
