Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
