do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
