No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
