Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
These tits shall not be calmed
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
