Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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