We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
