You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
