just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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