I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
