I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Another day, another engagement, another cat
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
