Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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