Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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