I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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