i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
