I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
