The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
