Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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