Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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