I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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