So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
