I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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