Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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