so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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