im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
