Just fell off a train. Bad.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
