She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
