Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
