So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
