I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
