is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
