I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
