I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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