Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
