Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
