He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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