Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
