No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Randomize
